As
the night drew in and the moon’s light began to take over the sky, everyone
gathered around the fire in the center of the village enclosure. This was a very special night, as Rama would tell
his stories of hunting Rakshasas along with his brother, Lakshmana, alongside the mighty Parasharama fourteen
years ago, deep in the jungle outside of Ayodhya.
So, you want to know more about back when I was a Rakshasa
Buster then, huh?
Alright, well, it all started many years ago, around the time
I was banished from the city because of the boons requested by Kaikeyi. About the time Sita, Lakshmana, and I crossed
over the river on our way out of town, we could tell things were going to start
getting interesting out there in the jungle.
We knew this jungle was going to be a dangerous place, no doubt about that. Those unlucky enough to
cross paths with a wandering Rakshasa would be killed and eaten on the spot. That made Sita pretty nervous, as you might
imagine.
I decided that first morning after waking up near the river’s
edge that if us three were going to have to live out in that jungle for
fourteen years in exile, we might as well try to make the environment a little
more comfortable to be in. This meant
that Lakshmana and I would have to go hunt for any Rakshasas in the nearby
areas in order to keep Sita safe. We
must have ended tens of thousands of Rakshasas after it was all said and
done. It was as if they were trying to
make it easy for my brother and me, with our bows and arrows and swords; any Rakshasa we came across was doomed. One
time, after cutting the ears and nose off of one particular rakshasi who tried
to attack Sita, her brother released an army of fourteen thousand Rakshasa
warriors upon me. I singlehandedly
killed all of them including the brother himself.
Though, out of all the Rakshasas Lakshmana and I hunted down,
the most memorable one would have to be Viradha. He was a massive beast, with long and gangly
arms and bearing one single, large eye in the center of his forehead. By this point, no Rakshasa had ever put up a
good fight against my brother and me. We
were able to slay those demons with ease.
However, this Rakshasa, Viradha, was quite unique because as it turns
out, he was impervious to the effects of sharp weapons. And of course, this was unbeknownst to me and
Lakshmana at the time, as we pulled our bows and arrows out as usual, preparing
to release a dozen arrows on to this ugly beast and eliminate him quicker than
the bat of an eye, as we had done so many countless times before.
The Battle against Viradha
Our arrows did no more than inflict minor flesh wounds, as
they bounced off of the Rakshasa’s skin and fell to the ground as if they were
useless twigs. We were stunned by
this! It seemed that we were doomed at this point as the Rakshasa ran toward us when suddenly, Parashurama appeared from behind the bushes! And with his array of magical array of weapons, Parashurama was able to subdue the beast by binding him in a special rope that is enchanted to subdue any Rakshasa. With that, Viradha was unable to do any further damage and they could safely lift him onto a funeral pyre to be destroyed so that no one else would ever be harmed by this beast. After performing the ritual, we discovered that this Rakshasa was originally a human who had been placed under a terrible spell. As the funeral pyre smoldered, the man rose up to thank us for freeing him from the spell he had been forced to live under for so long. His name was Tumburu, and he had been cursed while walking one day out among that very jungle, nearly three hundred years ago. I wanted to thank Parashurama for saving my brother and me from this monster but when I turned his direction he was already gone. It was, needless to say, this was one of the most interesting experiences I have ever had.
Author’s note:
This story is told in a way so that the readers feel like they are members of
the crowd gathered around, listening to the story being told in person by Rama
himself. I chose to do the story in that style because I felt it would be more
interesting than a traditional story format and it also fit really well with
how I wanted the story to unravel. My
main goals were to make the reader feel like they are in a time after the
banishment period Rama had to spend in the jungle has passed, and Rama is
reciting the adventures and action he was involved with for all of those years. I took the basis of the plot from the story
of Viradha, in the Ramayana. It is told
in the original version that Rama and Lakshmana fought with the Rakshasa,
Viradha, who ended up being a human who was trapped in Rakshasa form as part of
a curse placed on him many years previously. I added in the part where Parashurama jumps in at the end of the fight with Viradha to save Rama and his brother because I want the story to have elements of a guru hero in it. Since Parashurama is a character of great significance throughout many of the Indian Epics, I want him to be the main character of this portfolio series so I want his character to have a big part in every story in the portfolio, even if his part in some of the stories is very short.
Bibliography: The
Ramayana, translated by Manmatha Nath Dutt, 1891.
http://ouocblog.blogspot.com/2011/01/pde-ramayana-viradha.html
This was an interesting story. I liked how you made it as if it was a story told around the campfire. Another aspect that I liked about the story was how descriptive you made the story through the use of adjectives and then by having Rama tell how he had felt at the time. At the end of the story the use of the tidbit of info about another story and then saying that, it was for another time was well done.
ReplyDeleteI really liked the style of the story you created because it was told in a more modern way and how we were able to feel a part of the group gathered around the fire in the village. There were certain portions of the story that I thought were pretty humorous, especially when Rama bragged about all the rakshasas he and his brother had slain.
ReplyDeleteTucker, I really like how you re-imagined this story! I thought that it was unique way of approaching the Ramayana. Your story flowed well and was entertaining and interesting to read. I especially liked some of the phrases you used to describe the battle with the rakasha, having the arrows of the brothers be like "useless twigs." I also felt like your formatting and set-up of the story was nice. It was aesthetically pleasing and organized.
ReplyDeleteMy only critique is one of grammar. In multiple instances you use "my brother and I," when it would be correct to use "my brother and me." For example, when you say, "It was as if they were trying to make it easy for my brother and I," it should state that they were making it easy for "my brother and me." This is because Rama and his brother are the recipient of the action in this sentence, rather than the subjects. A lot of people think that the default is "____ and I," but the actual use can be a bit more tricky. :)
I hope you have a great weekend!
I really like how you set it up as a story told by Rama to all of his friends that gathered up. The story was interesting and it showed how proud Rama and Lakshmana are of all the rakshasas that they have beaten. It also showed how they considered their defeat of Viradha as their greatest accomplishment when it comes to their battles with rakshasas. The only critiques that I have are small. The first one is that I think the story would flow a little better if the paragraphs weren't so long. I think if you added some descriptions of the environment, such as the people's reactions to the story, instead of just having it all be dialogue, the story would have flowed a little better. The second critique is just some small grammatical errors. They were already pointed out but I also noticed how you put “my brother and I”, when it should have been “my brother and me”. Other than those tiny things, I really enjoyed your version of this story.
ReplyDeleteHey Tucker!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your story. It was really entertaining. Your character Parashurama kind of reminded me of the Greek/ Roman God Apollo. They are both archers. Something that stood out to me about your story was how you ended it. It kind of did not have an ending. This left me hanging and wanting to read more. Good job!
This was an interesting take on the story of Viradha. I like how Parashurama plays the role of a hero sweeping in and saving the day. Another aspect I like was how Rama played the role of a storyteller were he recounted the exploits of his younger years. The spacing of the paper made it easier to read and the short paragraph at the start that set the scene was a nice addition. It great help in visualizing Rama and Lakshmana telling the story. What might make the story better would be to focus on the story of Viradha more. The story of Viradha actually appears toward the end and it seems like his story with the addition of Parashurama is the most important part but it took half the paper to get to that point. One thing that I would add would be more Parashurama to the story maybe go into more detail of him defeating Viradha. Overall, I enjoyed the writing and I did not notice any grammar errors.
ReplyDeleteI laughed when I read Rakshasa busters because it reminded me of ghost busters! Nice play on the title! As for me, I love campfire stories so it was cool that you formatted your story so that the reader felt like Rama was actually telling the story. My favorite part of you story was when Rama and his brother battled a Rakshasa that was actually a man cursed. I like the fact that Rama and his brother freed someone from a curse than for ruthless killing. You chose a really nice graphic for your story! A reader can tell that Rama and his brother are battling an angry demon while Sita is fleeing for her life. You're a great writer! Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteThis story was awesome! The title drew me in because when I saw Rakshasa Busters, like Nicole, my immediate thought was Ghostbusters! I'm so glad I read this story because it was so creative and fun. Your writing style was perfect for this story because it really did seem as though we were being told a story. It was like an entire story of dialogue, but without the quotations. I could definitely feel the sensation of being gathered around a storyteller and listening to this story. It really flowed like easy conversation or like an expert storyteller. Well done on that aspect! I also loved the part where Viradha raises from his funeral pyre to thank them for releasing him from his curse. It was a very touching aspect to the story and I like that you used that detail. I had not read that story (or I don't remember it), so I really enjoyed hearing it. This was a great story. Good work!
ReplyDelete